Absolutely Power-Mad

Bwaaaa! Hahahahaha! My face is turning green…. now purple….now orange! My eyes have become pinwheels spinning and shooting out lightening! Bwhahahahaha! I am power-mad! I am invincible!!

Yes, I am on a power trip. You may remember that my last blog post was about how powerful I am because I can open bottles with the bumpy rubber thingy. Well now I realize I am more all-powerful than ever!

Yes! With the touch of a finger….just one finger….I can make boring people shut up! I can make self-satisfied “analysts” shut up! I can make singers whose songs grate on my nerves, shut up!

Hahahahaha. Go ahead annoy me. Go ahead. I will just stick out my pointer finger and pussshhh - and you are GONE! Hahahahaha. Bwaaaaa!

Of course, I need to be in a car and you need to be on the radio. But even so.

Ha!!!! Be gone!!

©2016 Margery Leveen Sher

The Noticer’s Guide to Living and Laughing…..Change Your Life Without Changing Your Routine is now available on Amazon, Nook, and iTunes.  Read the reviews and purchase here. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OZTM73U

MARGERY IS AVAILABLE TO KEYNOTE YOUR MEETING OR CONFERENCE with a motivational talk filled with both startling wisdom and humongous laughs:

“Notice What You See and Be a Hero at Work”

Thank Goodness It’s Not “IHAD”!

I have written before – nay, I have complained bitterly before – about our penchant to reduce beautiful and meaningful words into cursed acronyms.

If you think about it, you have to admit you love words. How could you not?

I have a friend who has taken to sending me wonderful words. Yes, she just sends words. What do your friends send you? Hand lotion? Books about sports?

Anyway, the last word she sent was bafflegab. Ha! I love it. Bafflegab is defined as “incomprehensive or pretentious language, especially bureaucratic jargon.”

You can listen online to WTOP, the radio station in Washington, DC.  It would be worth your while to do this in the early morning. An enormous percentage of the ads are directed at government contracting personnel. In other words, the consulting firms and defense contractors who buy the ads want the government bureaucrats’ attention. I assure you, none of the rest of us have a vague idea what their jargon and acronyms mean. It is truly a trip to another world.  It is bafflegab!

So the point is that words are beautiful and jargon and acronyms are horribly corrupting influences. You are worried about drugs and alcohol corrupting the youth of today? Worry instead, my friends, about bafflegab and acronyms like WTF!

Last week I was at a meeting where a program was discussed that targeted at-risk children C2C. Now isn’t that cute. C2C. In fact, they were talking about a very promising program that works with children from cradle (through school) to career. If we say cradle to career, we get the idea that this is a comprehensive program that would offer intensive support throughout the child’s life and that might, therefore, have positive results. If we say C2C, we have another bureaucratic flash in the pan that does, what again?

I am so grateful to beautiful wordsmiths like Martin Luther King whose prose has moved us for decades. And I thank everyone for repeating I Have a Dream, and not, God-forbid, saying “Don’t you just love that IHAD speech?”  OMG!

Whoops.

©2015 Margery Leveen Sher

The Noticer’s Guide to Living and Laughing…..Change Your Life Without Changing Your Routine is now available on Amazon, Nook, and iTunes.  Read the reviews and purchase here. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OZTM73U 

MARGERY IS AVAILABLE TO KEYNOTE YOUR MEETING OR CONFERENCE with a motivational talk filled with both startling wisdom and humongous laughs:

“Notice What You See and Be a Hero at Work”

The best-laid plans of mice and men / Often go awry - Robert Burns 1785

I know this happens to you, too. You plan and plan and imagine future scenarios and get all excited and just can’t wait….and then something happens to put a damper on things. How often does this happen, as opposed to how often do planned things go off without a hitch? And don’t we get so incredibly disappointed when things don’t occur as we imagined? And if the scales tip the other way and things go almost as imagined, are we incredibly grateful in balance to our disappointment in the other case?

I don’t know the answers to these questions. I am thinking now that I should try to keep score. One column would be Things Go According to Plan. Next to that column would be a rating done after the fact. How grateful was I that this came off without a hitch? Not how happy. How grateful. Then the third column would be titled The Best-Laid Plans of Mice and Men Often Go Awry (thank you Robert Burns). Then the fourth column would be How Upset Am I at the Forces of the Universe.

I think it would be an interesting exercise. I wonder if I take for granted plans that work out great, but heartily bemoan those that get messed up.

I have waited two months for the opportunity to drive up north to the country where my new grandson reigns. I had visions of being so helpful and having wonderful close encounters with this amazing baby.

But the minute we arrived, I came down with a sore throat, probably morphing into a cold. I am now on my way to find a breathing mask to shield the baby from my germs.

I give my disappointment that I am not in perfect health a -10, but I have plans to be all recovered in the next day or so and end this trip with a +10 of gratefulness. And I’ll give it a +1000 when every else in the house stays healthy too.

The Forces of the Universe

Did you ever have this kind of experience? Whenever I find a product that I really like, it is discontinued soon thereafter.

This has happened to me over the decades. I find a lipstick I like. When I use it up and want to buy another, it is no longer made. I find a comfortable bra that does its work well. The next time I am looking, I find the style has been discontinued. Even my favorite frozen yogurt shop has gone into bankruptcy.

It makes me think that my tastes are strange. Nobody else must like what I like since evidently the market for “my” products is not there.

Or is it simply that the forces of the universe are teasing me? “Haha. You like something? We will make it gone!”

Or maybe the forces of the universe are challenging me. “Ha. Don’t think things are so easy. You think you can go into a store and within minutes get what you want? I don’t think so.”

Or maybe it is a strategy of the manufacturers to sell more. I have learned that it is probably wise to buy more than one pair of the same shoes if they are comfortable.

Or maybe I am reading meaning into random events.

But it is a pattern, I assure you. Does this ever happen to you? Guys, I know you probably don’t have the bra and lipstick issue, but maybe you have others like this?

Are we being manipulated? Teased? Challenged?

Or should I just go with the flow and focus on more important things?  Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

©2015 Margery Leveen Sher

NEW BOOK PUBLISHED! The Noticer’s Guide to Living and Laughing…..Change Your Life Without Changing Your Routine is available on Amazon, Nook, and iTunes.  Read the reviews and purchase here. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OZTM73U

Here is a 50 second really cool video about the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGWMsUUPPeA

MARGERY IS AVAILABLE TO KEYNOTE YOUR MEETING OR CONFERENCE with a motivational talk filled with both startling wisdom and humongous laughs:

“Notice What You See and Be a Hero at Work”

A Little Bit of Crankiness Makes the World Go ‘Round

The realization hit me this morning with all the power of a wet towel snap. (Which, being a well-mannered female, I have, thankfully, never actually experienced.)

But the point is this: I am way overdue for some cranky Noticings!

No fretting needed though, my fellow Noticers. I always have some crankiness to share.

1. At a minimum once a day, while at work, I want to check the news online and see what misery my fellow humans have unleashed on one another. All I want is a surreptitious quick check. But nooo. Nowadays as soon as you get on a website, a video starts blaring at you. No! I do not want the entire building to hear these annoying videos, and I do not want to take the time to watch them. I simply want 30 seconds of headline scanning. Get rid of the videos! We can read! We don’t need to be “entertained” by videos all the time! Bah!!!!
2. And why is buying dishwasher detergent so difficult?? How the heck am I supposed to know what power I want? 6x! 10x! 12x! What is the difference?! Why can’t they just make dishwasher detergent that works? If it works at 1, why would I need 12 times the working power? But, standing in the supermarket aisle, I had to decide. And then we had what could be a psychological research project. I finally chose 6x instead of 4x, which was the lowest. I thought 4x might make me seem cheap, and 12x seemed extravagantly useless. So after wasting way too much time, I chose 6x. Is that right? What is the right answer, my fellow Noticers??
3. Now for my final crank for today: Why are we all of a sudden talking all the time about the need to “hydrate?” We all carry around water bottles so we can “hydrate.” Well folks. I am not going to “hydrate.” I am simply going to take a “drink!” I drink, do you hear? Drink! A nice simple word that’s been used for a very long time, and is still good.  Hahahahaha! I am drinking water right now! Hydrate…..hah!

And there you have it. This Noticing will be filed under Annoying Things to Notice, one of the three parts of the world….along with, as you know, Amazing Things to Notice and Human Idiosyn-Crazies ™ to Notice. What can you add to the list of Annoying Things to Notice?

©2015 Margery Leveen Sher

NEW BOOK PUBLISHED! The Noticer’s Guide to Living and Laughing…..Change Your Life Without Changing Your Routine is available on Amazon, Nook, and iTunes.  Read the reviews and purchase here.  

Here is a 50 second really cool video about the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGWMsUUPPeA 

MARGERY IS AVAILABLE TO KEYNOTE YOUR MEETING OR CONFERENCE with a motivational talk filled with both startling wisdom and humongous laughs:

“Notice What You See and Be a Hero at Work”

I Hate Starbucks!

I hate Starbucks. Ok, forget the fact that it has taken over every city block everywhere, and I prefer to support mom-and-pop shops. But what kind of species are we? We like a million choices and then we want to be able to add further customizations? I bet, though, that most people always order the same thing once they decide.                                                                                                                                  

Double frappuccinno with a shot of this and hold that. If I want a plain cup of coffee, I have to choose among five kinds! Who cares?! Just give me my joe!!                                                                                   

It takes 10 minutes to order this fattening, chemical laden garbage, and the lines are out the door! Worse still, we succumb to learning a totally new Corporate Language, something pseudo Italian! If I want small, I need to order tall. Why do I have to say Venti when I want medium? I say stick with English. If Starbucks wants to live in America, it should learn our language!   Ha!                                             

35 choices on the posted menu before you even start with a customization. What the heck is in that frappuccino, macchiato, vivanno? Oh, give me an iced peppermint white chocolate mocha for 400 calories, and bring over a hoist and pulley to get my fat butt out of the chair afterwards.  I am more than annoyed by Starbucks Corporateland!!                                                                                                                

© 2011 Margery Leveen Sher